


Scared of being recognized

by pigalle



Series: Scared of being [1]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Episode: s01e06 The Yellow Couch, Fear, Fear of Discovery, M/M, Panic Attacks, Philip is scared of being recognized by the killer, based on the promo for episode 6, but written pre!episode, philip-centric, sort of, with what's out so far
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 10:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8574124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pigalle/pseuds/pigalle
Summary: “Do you want a ride to school?” Gabe asked.“No, I’ll take the bike.” Philip showed the last of his pancake in his mouth, desperate to get away. Gabe had coddled him since they hadn’t found the gun in the water. Helen had barely talked to him, and he hadn’t seen her since yesterday, before she went to talk to Lukas. He hadn’t heard anything from Lukas either.Philip pushed away from the table with a sigh, going to put on his booths. He was just about to walk out the door when a knock came on the door. Without thinking he opened it, and found himself staring speechless at the person in front of him.It was him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the [promo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UO7z6chgoo) for episode 6, so it quite obviously won't be compliant with that episode. At least I assume so.

“Do you want a ride to school?” Gabe asked.

“No, I’ll take the bike.” Philip showed the last of his pancake in his mouth, desperate to get away. Gabe had coddled him since they hadn’t found the gun in the water. Helen had barely talked to him, and he hadn’t seen her since yesterday, before she went to talk to Lukas. He hadn’t heard anything from Lukas either.

Philip pushed away from the table with a sigh, going to put on his booths. He was just about to walk out the door when a knock came on the door. Without thinking he opened it, and found himself staring speechless at the person in front of him.

It was  _ him _ .

The man looked at Philip, waiting, as if for him to say something. Philip couldn’t. Instead Gabe came up behind him, greeting the man.

“Ryan Kane,” the killer said, and held out something, “FBI. I’m looking for Helen. She said to meet me.”

Philip didn’t bother listening to anything more, not even trying to be polite. He rushed out the door, towards his bike. He needed to talk to Lukas.

~~~~~

_ Philip showed them the way to get to the pond where Lukas had thrown the gun. Tony came with them, and they waited long enough that Helen had changed into her uniform. _

_ But they couldn’t find it. They looked and they looked, as did Philip, but they couldn’t find it. Eventually Tony got in the water to look more thoroughly where Philip pointed he had seen the gun. Tony came up with his hands empty. _

_ “Are you absolutely sure Lukas threw the gun in this pond?” Helen asked Philip. He heard the unasked question, ‘Are you sure there was a gun?’. _

_ “You don’t believe me, do you?” Philip felt resigned. _

_ They eventually left the pond without a gun, and with Helen doubting Philip more than ever. _

~~~~~

Philip hurried to lock his bike when he got to school, desperate to find and talk to Lukas as soon as he could. He was early, which he saw as a win as long as Lukas too was there already. Lukas would be more willing to talk to him if there wasn’t a lot of people around.

Lukas was in school, as Philip found it, draped over Rose and surrounded by his friends. Philip considered giving up before even trying, but he had to try. He had to talk to Lukas.

“Lukas,” he said, sounding more out of breath than he wanted — both from his panic and the ride to school, “I need to talk to you.” He hoped Lukas would understand how urgent it was, if for nothing else at least from Philip’s tone. He could hear himself how panicked he sounded. He knew how panicked he was.

“Why would you have to talk to me?” Lukas sneered and gave of a laugh, but nervously glancing between his friends. “I don’t have to talk to you.”

“Please,” Philip tried, getting so desperate. He knew it wouldn’t help, but he had to try.

“No! Get away!” Lukas made a move as if getting up to punch Philip, who flinched back even though he could see it was only a show put on for Lukas friends.

He got the hint and walked away.

~~~~~

Philip tried to approach him again at lunch, but both Lukas and some of his friends glared at him until he walked away.

Once again he tried after school, when Lukas was only with Rose, but was just met by sneering. Rose’s expression was sincere, but at least Lukas’ only seemed like a show put on for anyone who could be seeing them, put on for Rose.

“Stop stalking me!” The just barely bit back anger was real, Philip noticed as soon as the words left Lukas mouth.

~~~~~

**From: Philip** _I really need to talk to you, it’s urgent._

Philip waited impatiently for an answer, not wanting to bike home before he had at least gotten an answer. Lukas needed to know about the killer.

**From: Lukas** _ You told Helen… _

**From: Lukas** _Why would you do that?! I told you not to tell anyone!_

Philip threw his head back in frustration. Couldn’t Lukas understand that they had to tell someone or it would just get worse?

**From: Philip** _I thought you were going to kill yourself because of those texts!_

 **From: Philip** _I was desperate_

 **From: Lukas** _Well, I didn’t._

 **From: Lukas** _I told Helen you were lying_

Philip stared at his phone, blinking in confusion. How could he just… Why would he even do that? If they told Helen this would all be over, Lukas wouldn’t have to worry anymore.

Philip decided to try and call Lukas. It went to voicemail, not that Philip had actually suspect any less. But he needed to tell Lukas about the killer, and he had a feeling it was too sensitive of a matter to do via text.

~~~~~

Philip barely dared going back home, fearing the killer would be there this time too. Because, what if he decided he recognized Philip the next time he saw him. What if he found out he had killed the wrong people? What if he found out it was Philip he had seen in the cabin? Lukas had worried that the killer would recognize him, but really, it was Philip that had been seen. The killer hadn’t actually seen Lukas.

When Philip steered in on the dirt road leading up to his home, the bike skidded, and before he could get himself upright, he was falling with his bike into the ditch. He lost his breath in the fall, and couldn’t get it back as he laid there, fighting for the strength to get up. It was like his lungs were shrinking, refusing any air to enter. It was like his body was giving up on him, like any strength and movement had drained out at the impact, leaving him helpless. He couldn’t breath, and he couldn’t move, and he couldn’t get up, and—

He couldn’t breath—

He couldn’t—

He laid there, gasping for breath, for what felt like an eternity, the only thing he could do was stare up at the sky. When he could finally move enough to slowly get up on his legs, the sky hadn’t darkened the slightest, as if not much time had gone by. It felt like hours, though.

He climbed up from the ditch, brushing of dirt, grass and twigs from his clothes. The bike wasn’t damaged, so, careful not to fall again, he got back on and biked home. He hoped the killer wasn’t going to be there.

He’d hoped to make his way up to his room without being seen, but as soon as he stepped in the door Helen looked up from reading a newspaper at the kitchen table.

“Hey,” she said as a greeting, before taking a double take on him. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Philip said, turning away from her as he took of his shoes. “I just fell with the bike.”

“You sure you’re alright?” Helen asked and showed she wanted him to sit down at the table. “I talked to Lukas.”

“Mhm?” Philip acknowledge, though he knew what was coming.

“He told me you were lying.”

Philip didn’t say anything as he kept staring at the surface of the table. There was a few scratches in the surface, that if you used a lot of fantasy could be a dog. A small, happy dog.

“Philip.”

He didn’t say anything. What was he even going to say? He’d told Helen the truth, she had barely believed him, and now Lukas had said he was lying. Why would she believe any word that came out of his mouth from this point on?

“Why did you lie, Philip?”

And there it was. She didn’t actually believe him.

“I’ve got homework to do.” He got up so quickly the chair wobbled close to falling, but he was rushing up the stairs before he could seee if it actually fell or not.

~~~~~

It was pitch-black in his room when he woke up. His breath was coming short — again, again, fucking again — and there was tears streaming down his cheeks. The killer, he had seen Philip, been so close to shooting him, but he had seen Philip’s face. They had gotten away, but the killer found him, and he recognized him. The killer had recognized him.

The killer was FBI, and Philip had just watched as he killed him, and got away with it. Philip had watched as the FBI-guy had shot him, killing him, recognizing him.

**From: Philip** _I need to talk to you_

He didn’t get an answer, hadn’t expected one, and sobbed himself back to sleep.

~~~~~

He woke up to his phone ringing.

“What do you want?!” Lukas asked, his voice blaring too hard and loud for Philip’s head.

“What?” Philip croaked and tried to rub away his dried tears.

“Are you crying?” Lukas asked, his voice softer than it had been the moment before.

“No,” Philip sighed and fell back against his pillow. “Nightmare. I woke up in the middle of the night.”

“What was it about?” Lukas asked, his voice even softer this time.

“The killer found me. He recognized me.”

“He won’t, he doesn’t, you said so himself.”

“He did in my dream.”

Silence fell between them for a few moments before Lukas asked, “What did you need to talk about?”

“I know who the killer is.”

Lukas didn’t answer, and for a few sacred moment Philip thought he had hung up.

“What?”

“I saw him, the killer. Yesterday, before school.”

“Is that why you wanted to talk to me?” Lukas wondered.

“Yeah,” Philip answered, and once again they fell into silence.

“Where did you seem him?”

“Outside my house,” Philip answered, his voice wavering close to breaking point. He just realized again just how scared he was, how scared of being recognized that he was.

“What?” Lukas asked, unbelieving.

(No one believed in what Philip said.)

“He said he was there to see Helen,” Philip said, having to take a deep breath before he could continue. “He said he was FBI, Ryan Kane.”

“Are you sure?” Lukas asked. “Are you certain that’s what he said?”

“Yes! We have to tell Helen, Lukas.”

Lukas didn’t answer, didn’t say anything, and this time Philip got the feeling that the silence was more hostile than any of the previous times.

“You can say you were the only one there,” Philip continued when it became clear that Lukas wasn’t going to say anything. “I don’t have to say anything, I wasn’t there. But we need to tell her. I can’t do this anymore, Lukas. I can’t keep it in me anymore.”

The silence this time mostly felt thoughtful, and Philip began feeling a tiny shred of hope that maybe Lukas was actually considering telling Helen after all.

“But what would I tell her?” Lukas asked, his voice tiny. “I already told her you were lying. I can’t just come to her and say I was lying all that time, that you were right.”

“Do you still have the gun?”

“What?” Lukas asked, sounding both scared and like he wanted to deny it. “You know that I threw it in—”

“I also know that it isn’t there anymore,” Philip interrupted him. “I took Helen there, and neither she nor Tony could find a gun. I know that you went to get it.”

A sigh came over the line, after which Lukas said, “Yeah, I have it.”

“Then we just show it to her, she has to believe you then.”

“Yeah, but…” Lucas protested.

“You don't have to say I was there. You don’t even have to mention me. I wasn’t there.”

“But what should I tell her I was doing there, then? Why would I be there that late? Why would I even be out there?”

“I don’t know,” Philip said and closed his eyes in a sigh. “I don’t know, okay? But you don’t have to involve me, not if you don’t want to.”

“What if I do?”

“I’ll be there,” Philip said in a voice so low it was barely a whisper. “I’ll be there with you, I’ll help you tell Helen what happened. I just don’t want this to be a secret anymore.”

“Okay, I’ll—” Lukas began. “Is she home right now?”

Philip sat up and listened, and yeah, he could hear her voice down in the kitchen. “Yeah, she’s down in the kitchen.”

“I’ll… I’ll come over. I’ll be there soon.”

Lukas hung up before Philip could answer, but he still felt better than he had in awhile. He felt relieved that this horrible secret would finally see an end.

While he waited for Lukas to come over he got out of bed and got dressed. Philip was almost reluctant to go down, since it meant he would have to face Helen, but he walked down, said good morning back to Gabe, and sat at the table. Lukas would be there soon.

He noticed both Helen and Gabe looking at him strangely, noticing how jittery he was, but before they could say anything he heard the sound of Lukas’ dirt bike outside the house. Before Helen or Gabe could react he got up and walked to the door, having to repress himself to keep from running.

Lukas had barely got of his bike when Philip opened the door. He closed it behind him, closing off Helen and Gabe’s chance of seeing them until they entered the house. Lukas raised an eyebrow at him when he got up to the porch, but didn’t say anything. Maybe he hadn’t meant to, or maybe he simply didn’t have a chance before Philip surged forward, pulling him into a hard embrace and giving him a quick kiss. Lukas didn’t protest, but he pulled back only a moment later.

Philip had to take a deep breath before he opened the door again. They were really doing this, now.

Helen and Gabe looked up when he opened the door, and only seemed mildly surprised when they saw Lukas was following behind him.

“We were there, in the cabin, the night of the shooting.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr: [jennypigalle](http://jennypigalle.tumblr.com) and [pigalleonwattpad](http://pigalleonwattpad.tumblr.com).


End file.
